and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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