ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
