This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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