I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
