stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
