she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
