??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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