Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
