i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
