Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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