so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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