Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
