youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's shark week go big or go home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
