Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
