So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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