I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
