Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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