if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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