I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
