Who wears a wallet chain?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
