i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
