Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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