i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
