i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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