I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
