I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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