He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
