I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
