I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
