If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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