there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
