he was CRYING into my vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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