i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i dont even know how to be here
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Text me some of your sweat
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