be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
