Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They took my balls.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
