Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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