Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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