Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
