honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
