Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
