The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
