You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Say something about gay babies.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
