I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
