bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
