I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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