I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
