Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
