a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
