I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
