Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
this hospital has no fireball
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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