if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
