So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
