It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
