the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
