twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
