Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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