every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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